Monday, March 9, 2015

Teenage again

Yesterday I had a very strange experience. I had to attend a program for parents of teenagers. How high school would affect them.

I had not clue what it was going to be when I went into the auditorium. There were two coaches who were co-ordinatng the whole discussion and a set of kids which included kids who had passed out of high school and had started college and kids who were still studying as seniors.

As the discussion started and issues like confidence, competence, coping, control , connection, character, competition were introduced I wondered why I am even discussing teenage issues for my kids. It was a revelation that my daughter is going to face all these things.. WOW.. it was a big thing. This cute doll has turned into a full fledge person who would be dealing with all these C's ??? What was happening.. and yes the realization was full when I heard those kids talking so maturely about these topics.

When we are young and are learning to be a teenager, we never think what and why and how about the actions of our parents. Its always a me.. how do I study harder , how do I get more marks, how to enter a certain group, how do I make a friend , how to make myself better.. the whole universe is centered around the "ME". Sometimes these ME's go till adulthood for certain people. One of the kids made a comment that parents are only people who feed us, clothe us and look after us. They become persons when the kids themselves become parents and start observing how their parents would have done certain things. How true !!! It was a very profound statement coming from a teenager..

So is it correct that today's teenager is more stressed out ? I don't agree. Teenagers across generations have faced same stresses about life, where I will be in the near future, but they have lots of facilities now a days, lots of opportunities which was not available to us. Every generation will be a step forward with more opportunities. They should take the experiences of the previous generation and move smoothly ahead.

I was being a teenager again and thinking what I would have done differently now that I am more mature with my wisdom of age. Maybe I would have been more sensitive to my parents needs and be more participative in their lives.

Since that is not possible as we cannot reverse time still,  I have decided to open a part of me to my kids and let them come in and see what I am. They can learn from my experiences but at the same time I will let them experience their own life by experimenting and trying. This way they will know they have lived their own life and not a life of their parents because the experiences were always their parents. There has to be a balance of both, so that we do not miss on our lives.

It's not an easy step but yes I would love to be a teenager again. Wouldn't you too ?

A housewife needs more

The all time feeling of being loved is so strong that it never leaves me. I want to belong and be wanted. This is a feeling maybe all the women crave for but I don't care about others. This is a basic necessity for me to feel alive. Sometimes I have doubts, is the whole feeling of  being loved a farce,  maybe this is just some stupid making of my mind. I have parents who love me unconditionally and I have kids who would do anything for me. They love me so much that sometimes I feel smothered. Inspire of this why is there this need to be loved. 

Okay so maybe I am not analyzing it properly, maybe it has nothing to do with being loved,  maybe it all to do with being liked and wanted. Oh, okay, wanted is the correct word which means if I am wanted then I have some importance, yes, that I have. So then what is it ?

I do get angry when I feel I am not wanted and am there only for certain housekeeping functions. That's it !  I feel used and useless at the same time ! 

I am a housewife,  desperate for something more from life.  I have an essential need to succeed in life. 

Succeed with relationships, succeed with kids, succeed with career , succeed n just succeed and never look back. 

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